Bushie's SotU ... what we should have heard

Well, hamsterettes, it's been a few days, and just I'll bet you thought I was sent off to prison, or something. No such luck, d00ds and d00derettes. Just busy, that's all.

However, check out ebaumsworld.com, and their mashup/remix of Bushie's address. This probably isn't very funny if you still believe Bush is a good president. For the other 90% of us, this is farking hilarious.

"Lawer" in Toronto, meet "Hamstyer" in Ohio

Oh Y, oh Y? Cann't spel 2 gud, an doan no howe 2 youse a spel chekur.

Seriously (what?!?), most Canadians feel strongly that the family that found the camera should have returned it, them being Canadian, and all, eh? Admirable, and I personally applaud good Canadians everywhere. (Have a Molson on me!) On the other hand, most Americans feel that finders are keepers--don't lose the damn thing in the first place. *sigh*

I always put myself in the other person's position, and do what I would want to have done to me. I know--that makes me Lawful Good, in DnD terms.

Chuck Norris: good sense of humor; Tom Cruise: not so much

Snack Hamster cruises Fark.com regularly. He also holmes into BoingBoing.com on a regular basis, too.

Chuck Norris appreciates a sense of humor, especially about himself. Accept no substitutes.

Fell off my freakin' chair!

What a hoot! Oh, and don't miss the Loin King.

The only thing funnier than mangled English as done by the Japanese ("Engrish"), is mangled English done by the Chinese. I especially like the mirror-image text. Brilliant!

CTNAOK

How to get "edumacated"

1. Pick some innocuous phrase (not necessarily a nonsense phrase, but it can help, sometimes) such as "purple helmeted warrior".
2. Google it.
3. Read all of the first 20 links you find.
4. At random, pick some phrase you find in the results, such as "bloated bag of monkey spunk". (This particular phrase yields mostly drink recipes, but don't give up!)
5. Repeat with random phrases, starting at step 2. Quit when your brain explodes.

I can neither confirm nor deny that I use this technique in order to be "funny", since there is ample evidence that I'm not.

Funny. YMMV.

Spring forecast for Minneapolis - St. Paul

... Can't really say, but according to this article, apparently that's when the Caskets & More store expects a rush. I guess that's when it's finally safe to bring out your dead, in central Minnesota. Sweet, don'cha know? Yah.

So, buy now, and beat the spring rush!

w00t! I R L337 5p34x0r

Meh, whatever, dude.

Your dog wants pr0n.

Man creates Lego computer

... But I'm gonna hold out for the Lego® star drive. Hamsters want to go to Andromeda, where we have it on good authority that we're revered as gods, similar to how cats were worshipped in ancient Egypt. But better.



However, maybe now I can pass calculus.

Rolling Stones unhappy with "censorship"

While the rest some* of us are simply unhappy that they played at all.

ABC, why stop there? You should have bleeped out the whole damn thing.

Next year I'm watching Hamster Bowl I. The Hamsterettes (performing at half-time) should be much better than a bunch of sexegenerian "walkers".

* In the interests of fairness, there seem to be a lot (apparently) tone-deaf people out there who think they played really well. For a bunch of wrinkly old farts, that is.

Nothing funny happened

... On the way to this blog post.

Nothing to report. You may all go about your business, now.

Who farted? Hmm, smells like alfalfa. Oh, must have been me. (Sorry.)

On a completely unrelated note: did you know that there are practically no pictures of hamsters on the web? That's right. Hamsters are perhaps the most ignored small rodentical pet. And I say it's time to put things right. Hell, I was lucky to find those few pictures of hamster porn, the other day.

What's a self-respecting boy hamster to do, if he can't find a nice girl hamster to cuddle up with? At least if you're human, you have lots and lots of places you can go to find human hotties to pound the clown with. *sigh*

That's all. I promise. Maybe I'll have something funny, later.

Maybe.

Imagine, if you will ...

It's Saturday night. You and a couple buddies have been bar-hopping since early evening, and now all three of you are pretty drunk.

Nothing new or surprising, here.

Almost staggering, you stumble into an arcade that is next door to the seedy bar you just left. You really can't remember how many drinks you've had, but you know at some point in the past hour or so you got into a contest to see how many shots of Jagermeister you could down in a 5 second period.

After 3 rounds, you win. Sorta. In the morning you will feel like you've been soaked in cough syrup. And your ass hurts, too.

Well, this arcade has a row of antique video games along its back wall (it's a surprise the three of you made it that far). And guess what! They have a Pac-Man game! Your old favorite from college. Oh, man! What a hoot!

"I bet I can beat you guys at this!" you trumpet.

"Whatta ya wanna bet?" says one.

"I dunno," you counter, "sumpin good."

"I got an idea," says the other ...

Later, it becomes obvious that you are losing, and losing big. Now, you're beginning to wish you hadn't made that stupid bet, but the prospect of you winning had clouded your judgment. Yeah, right, no alcohol was involved in that decision. Nope, none at all. Anyway ...

After having lost something like 20 games to these bozos, you have little choice but to submit to the penalty inherent with losing the bet. In disgrace, and hoping you'd somehow ultimately get out of it, you all stumble off to find the nearest tattoo parlor.

Unfortunately, you find one.

The artist doesn't want to do the job, but you agree to it, and besides, your two buddies are actually paying for it, so you decide to go ahead. You think: even if it's stupid, it still makes a good way to start a conversation.

Yeah, right.



And that's ... the rest of the story.

Snack Hamster presents: Educational Video #1 - The Purpose of the Internet

For all you n00bs out there, here is lesson #1.

Clean off the screen and/or keyboard before you leave.